You were never the problem.
The patterns are not your fault.
How do I keep ending up here with people? Why haven't I met someone that treats me well? Maybe I have a bad picker. My attachment quiz said I have an anxious attachment style — I need to find a way to be more secure.
You want to feel something with people. You are desperate to connect but absolutely terrified to let anyone in. Or maybe you have gone the other direction entirely and you’ve kept people at a careful distance and told yourself you prefer it that way. Either way, you may find yourself in the same destructive patterns over and over, with the fear that it will never be different.
It does not have to be this way, and the reason this keeps happening is not your fault.
You are not a failure of relationships. You do not have a broken picker. We are conditioned to seek relationships that feel familiar, even when familiar is painful. Together, we will unpack the relational template that is steering your choices, understand what keeps you stuck, and begin to discover who you are in relation to another.
Attachment work is much more than "becoming secure." It involves understanding the roles you have played throughout your life to maintain love and connection, and slowly putting down the burden of proving yourself worthy of it. It is about coming home to yourself in the presence of another person.
I use a variety of therapeutic methods to help you unravel the patterns that are keeping you stuck in your relationships so you can finally experience the connection you long for.
Change happens through relationship.
There is a myth in self-help culture that we have to "do the work" first and then go out and find a relationship — as if security can be developed in a vacuum. It cannot. There is no amount of solo therapeutic work that will fully prepare you for the vulnerability of real connection if you stay in isolation. The spirit of "love yourself first" is valuable, but only insofar as it is practiced in relationship.
The therapeutic relationship is the first step in changing your relationships. We use what happens between us, and the relationship you begin to build with yourself within that space, to soften the edges of vulnerability, so you can experience the connection you have always craved.
You do not have to do this alone.